I’m Still Learning

  I have been married for over 13 years.  You’d think I’d have this whole “wife” thing down by now.   Last year I thought I had this down; I thought I knew everything there was to know about marriage, love, and also about my husband.  I thought we had a great life together, I thought I couldn’t love him any more, I thought we had it all.   Well, I was wrong.   After reading “Grace Filled Marriage” by Dr. Tim Kimmel I realized just how wrong I was and how much I was missing out on.   I was missing opportunities to grow closer to my husband and best friend. I was missing opportunities to show grace to my soul mate.  I was missing the bigger picture.  And I could tell you exactly how and why.   You know those ‘lenses’ that Tim is always talking about?  The ME lens, the LOVE IF lens, the PIOUS lens; well, I was wearing contacts, bi-focals, sunglasses and a visor of ‘lenses’ that were keeping me from truly seeing my husband the way that God wanted me to view him.  Don’t get me wrong, I have loved my husband since before our first kiss.  I have fallen in love with him numerous times.  However, if you do not have grace as a forefront vision in your marriage – you’re definitely missing the bigger picture of what love is and can be.   After attending the Grace Filled Marriage conference this past weekend, I realized that I was also poisoning our marriage without even trying.  Even if I was able to see my husband through the GRACE lens, I still needed to view myself in such a way. By bringing my own insecurities and fear into our relationship, I was placing a brick wall between his heart and mine.   I constantly deal with my depression, low self esteem and a tainted view of how I am ‘supposed’ to be. I have been trying to fight this fight on my own, trying not to burden him with any of my issues, but what I have actually been doing is laying down the foundation of this brick wall since day one. Day by day, brick by brick, I have been creating the problem by trying to ‘be a good wife’. Be a good cook, be a good housekeeper, be a good mom, be a good daughter (and daughter-in-law), be in a good mood, be good, good, good.   And honestly, if you asked my husband if he would prefer a good wife or a real wife…he’d choose the latter. So…   After removing those blindfolds from my eyes and my heart – I feel FREE. After knocking down some of those bricks – I feel CLOSER.   God wants us to be closer than ever, to be free with each other, to love one another the way He loves us.   I’m still learning – and that is not just good, that is awesome.   {Originally published in 2014}

  If you want to keep learning, please pick up a copy of Grace Filled Marriage today. No joke, it will change you. I also encourage any and all couples {from newly engaged to celebrating 50 years together} to attend a Grace Filled Marriage conference; going together and experiencing this message together is such a tender moment for everyone involved.