Marriage and Meltdowns

I had a meltdown the other day. A major meltdown – tears, yelling – the whole nine yards. Those of you who know me are probably picking your jaw up from the table right now – thinking two things. One, she always seems so calm and collected.  I had no idea she was capable of loosing it big time. And two, wow, I wish I would have been there!   Well, you wouldn’t have been disappointed. As far as meltdowns go, it was a masterpiece. And the funny thing about it is that what precipitated it was not some major item. No, instead it was the final drop in the bucket that sent the rest over the edge. Kind of like the eruption of an infinity pool of emotions.   And poor Tim, as always, he’s the one who took the shrapnel of this explosion. You see, I’ve spoiled Tim when it comes to emotional outbursts. If I could just let off a little steam daily or even weekly, it might not result in this major meltdown, but I tend to keep things together until the final straw is thrown on the heap about 2 or 3 times a year. And then Tim does what I think is typical for a lot of men. He tries to fix it with an immediate solution that addresses the final straw but overlooks the rest of the hay stack. That well intended, but often misplaced advice, can sometimes just add fuel to the fire.   I think most of the time, we women would rather have a listening ear, a validation of our feelings and the question that can bring hope and relief to our crazy world – “What can I do to help?”   Here would be my answer to that comforting question:  

• Please just listen, to my words as well as my heart
• Don’t immediately come in with a logical solution because this is not a logical problem
• After you’ve listened and realize there is not a simple solution, take responsibility for any part you may have played in this meltdown
• Then say those magic words again, “What can I do to help?
• Add a “honey” to the question and let me offer a few solutions.

  Meltdown over. The world is right again and not too much damage has been done. Now it’s time to make up!   If it weren’t for God’s grace in our marriage for the last 41 years, our story could be over with as a couple or at least very sad. We’ve tried to capture some of what God has allowed us to experience and learn (the good, the bad and the ugly) in the last 4 decades in our latest book, Grace Filled Marriage. If you take a look at it, I think you’ll like it.   Here’s to last straws and first kisses,   Love, Darcy