Am I Ruining My Kids?!

  “Help, I feel like I’m ruining my kids!”   If you’ve ever felt this way welcome to the club! I suspect that if we are really honest we will all admit to feeling this way from time to time.   We do blow it with our kids. They didn’t come with a manual. We may come from broken homes so we lack good role models for parenting. Culture sends out mixed messages on how to parent. Even Christians disagree on the best policies. And then there’s our own sin nature. We ourselves are selfish and self centered so how can we expect to raise kids that turn out right?   We notice that other parent.  They seem to be doing it right. Their kids aren’t rude or disobedient. (They are; you just don’t witness it.)   This child of yours is stubborn, disrespectful, won’t communicate or is constantly in trouble. Perhaps you can’t relate to him or her. You may be too much alike or too different. It’s just hard and discouraging and you wonder, “Will my child will always be like this? Will things ever improve?”   We dwell on our own failures. We know we handled “that” situation poorly. There are so many things we should have done or should not have done. We are easily overcome by guilt.   It can be that other parent, that child, or our own failure which discourages us, however God’s power is greater than any of these.   Three things to encourage you:

1. Your child is not looking for a perfect parent. There aren’t any. What your child needs is an honest parent, one who is able to say, “I’m not sure how to handle this…” We had five children in 7 years, including a set of twins. By the end of the day I was about “done.” It was the whiniest time of day and I still faced the dinner, bed, bath time routine. Exhausted, I grabbed Allison, our eldest said, “Allie, I’m afraid I am going to be a very bad mommy in the next 2 hours. Will you pray for me?” And she would put her hand on my shoulder and pray, “Dear God, please make mommy patience.” She ministered to me. Even more she saw a mother who ran to Jesus in her weakness. And one day she would need to as well.
2. No matter what kind of home you come from, you can be the first of a generation of healthy families.  It begins with developing your own relationship with Christ and then looking for older “parent mentors” who can help guide you as you raise your kids. It will take time but God is patient. And He is working in your life and your child’s life even when you can’t see it.
3. Recognize that God has given you the exact children, in the exact birth order, with the exact personalities not merely so that you can raise them but in order for them to help you grow up into the women and men he has created you to become. Every child is a gift. He will use each child in your life. Ask, God what are you teaching me through this child?

  Remember, God loves your child even more than you do. He is praying for you and for that child right now. (Hebrews 7:25) He is the God for whom nothing is impossible. (Luke 1:37)   Your ability to ruin your child is not nearly as great as God’s power to redeem him.