I Don’t Think She Likes Me Anymore :: Anxiety Playing with Your Mind

{originally published in 2013} “Why is Mommy still in bed?” I heard my young son ask my husband.  Yes, it was Saturday, but this wasn’t just a sleeping in kind of morning rest.  This was an “I Don’t Want to Deal with Anything” kind of slumber.  It came off of a conversation with a friend after I stopped over at her house.   I had stopped by her house to say, “Hi,” and just to catch up.  I wanted to get her prayer requests, but looking back, I think I was stopping hoping for someone to notice my burdened heart. My heart was so full of questions and unrest.  I do not experience severe anxiety like approximately 40 million American adults but I was beginning to realize you did not have to have a severe case or a full blown attack to be struck at the core with questions and doubts.   After my short visit with her, I started questioning whether or not I should have stopped -whether or not she even wanted me to stop by.  I started questioning whether or not she desired to be my friend.  Or even whether or not I had earned the right to be prayed for by her.  When I logically sat back and thought about these questions, I knew they were crazy.  This woman was a friend and one who loved me for who I was and not for what I had done to “earn her friendship.”  And yet, that is what anxiety is.   It overcomes the rational thoughts with lies of the world.     I had to admit I had anxiety. And it wasn’t just about this friendship. It was anxiety about school starting with me sending my children back to school after homeschooling them.  It was anxiety about the frustration I felt with comparing myself to other women who always seem to have it all together. A self-doubt that came with trying to be excellent in every single role I had and yet not feeling even adequate in any of them. A textbook Pile Queen, I even became anxious when I looked at all of my piles. From the major to the minor, I had anxiety.   When I explained to my husband how I felt, he tried to be compassionate yet his most profound response that made me realize I needed to give this burden to God was, “It must be so hard to be in your head.”   As I tried to define what was in my head, I found that you can name your anxiety whatever you want.  There is even a site where there are several to choose from.  A Mall of Anxiety Horror you might call it.  Choose your anxiety flavor.  The problem wasn’t what to call it.  I knew what it was – sin.  And that is why women don’t want to talk about it.   Philippians 4:6 states it very clearly; “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”   So if we admit that we are anxious, we are admitting we are sinners and we are not in control of that area of our heart and soul. But that is where the lies of the world come into play.   We will never be in control of our heart and soul because we were not created to be in charge. And the more I dive into God’s word, I see that verse, not a command or an achievement, but a promise.     With prayer, and thanksgiving – a thanksgiving for the promise that He will keep to be in charge of my heart, He will help us not to be anxious.  This love from our Eternal Father is a love that is sure.   And since anxiety can affect our kids, we need to take that love from our Father and pass it on down to our kids. This love of hope. “-that steady, sure, and unwavering love that we need to write on the hard drive of our children’s souls.” This unwavering love is just one of the ways mentioned in 50 Ways to Really Love Your Kids by Tim Kimmel. This love is the type of love that can be a first step in overcoming anxiety.   Oh, many will come and share the perfect way.  And there are many ways to cope – medicine, vitamins, less stress, more prayer.  And these are all valid ways.  But the first way that we can overcome that anxiety is to grab a hold of that unwavering love and His promise for a new hope in tomorrow.   For in that little step, we are presenting our requests to God to rescue us. And that hope will give us the reason to at least get out of the bed.