Trust

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Proverbs 3:5

  It is interesting to me that that verse isn’t “Trust in the Lord with all of your mind.”  Why is that? Why does God say heart? I looked up the meaning of heart in my concordance and it says that God uses heart to mean the center of our life…what makes us tick. (or beat J). My heart was broken pretty badly.  It is healing….still a little bruised and easily hurt, but on the mend.  And not because of any person’s healing powers, but totally because of God.  My Father has gently and faithfully continued to work on my heart.  Stitching it together and teaching me to trust again. Trust. I can’t say that it’s easy.  It’s tricky at times.  I know that I can trust God, but after being deeply hurt by the one who covenanted to never leave me…well, sometimes it’s difficult.  And not because God isn’t trustworthy, but because I know that being in God’s plan isn’t always a fun place to be.  It’s always a good place to be…in fact, it is the best place to be, but I cannot deny it hasn’t always been a happy place for me.  And knowing that the potential for difficulties is real, I struggle to trust that things will go as I like…as I want them to go. The crux of this is that I struggle to trust that when I pray for my children, they will be protected, and cared and provided for as I’d like them to be.  I have to ask myself if I want them to be the men and women God created them to be.  Because if I do, I have to let God lead.  Truly, I can’t make them those men and women…only God can.  I need to trust Him with them.  I need to.  I must! This fall my oldest transfers to a university in a very busy city and my second child goes off to college for the first time.  I have to trust for their safety, protection, and faith.   I have to trust that God is going to provide financially …right now that is a little up in the air (well, actually a lot up in the air…in fact it’s on a plane flying far, far away). This next year my middle son starts high school and I’m nervous for many reasons.  I have to trust his Heavenly Father will lead him to good, godly friends and that he will make wise decisions. My two youngest start at a new school this fall and I have to trust that God will give them the right teachers to help them with their struggles.  I have to trust that the teachers will be compassionate and patient with my two little girls. And me, I have to trust that God will provide me with all that I need to do all He has called me to do.  Sometimes, being this wacky single working parent makes me feel anything but able…my mommy fails pile on me nightly.   If I could just be patient, gentle, and kind all the time…or even most of the time. A big part of being the mommy and the woman I want to be, and I believe God made me to be, is letting go of my fears and hurts. Can I trust God to provide?  Can I trust God to protect?   Can I trust God to strengthen our faith?  Can I trust His word? I know in my head that I absolutely can trust God, but sometimes my heart struggles. That must be why God says, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) Even when things seem completely crazy to me…when trust seems near impossible…when I can’t imagine how things will ever work out… God assures me He is leading me and He will continue to guide me and my children.  My heart can trust Him with everything.  I can trust Him with my everything.