Gut Wrenchingly Controlling Mom Here

“You are gut wrenchingly controlling!” Popular wisdom indicates that a mom would never want to share with other moms those words if they were to fly out of the mouth of her child. Then there’s me (and many more like me) who understand that being a mom is not about seeing eye to eye with your children at all times.  Which makes my daughter calling me gut wrenchingly controlling a good thing! I am known as the “Fun Mom” and have a great relationship with my now teen children. But I didn’t get to that great relationship by always agreeing with my children and giving in to their every want. I got there by parenting, giving boundaries and loving through the learning. I heard about an experiment that gives insight into a child’s need for boundaries. A large group of children were let loose on a fenced in schoolyard playground to romp, roam and have some fun! The children were all over that playground enjoying themselves immensely. The next day a different group of children were turned loose, minus the fence, and they stayed in small groups playing right up against the school building. That second group of children missed out on a lot during their playground time. The ability to roam freely and explore the landscape, knowing that they were safe offered a broad range of experiences for that first group of children.  Experiences that facilitated learning and independence in a safe environment.  This speaks to the truth that children need to be offered experiences and opportunities that give them freedom to grow, while being kept within safe boundaries so that they feel secure enough to experiment. Children, especially teens may verbalize that they don’t want boundaries but they need them and it’s our job to give them the freedom to explore with boundaries in place that we know in the long run will provide the safety net they need to thrive. The unique blessing for a parent who creates those boundaries is the relationship of trust that it builds with their child.  Which results in the opportunity to guide as they mature, specifically when it really matters – during the teen years! So hang in there and realize that it really is a good thing to set boundaries, even if that makes you gutwrenchingly controlling! I am living proof that they will thank you for it later – my now 18 year old daughter has literally done just that!