He Caught My Eye

  I have spent the last several years learning to walk on the water in the midst of life’s storms.  Like Peter, I have had steps on the water and some where I’m most definitely sinking. I’ve been hanging on for dear life in the hurricane, rocking on the waves but getting my sea legs, working on storm clean-up, drifting on calm waters, and sunning on the beach. The storms have been stronger than I thought I could survive at times.  And the waves have crashed with some serious force on my beach.   At times in my life I’ve been weighed down by different things…things that make it difficult to walk on the water or even stand up in the water. Right now I’m a single, divorced, working mom.  I have biological and adopted children…each with their own personalities, needs, and struggles.  I’m definitely sleep deprived and seriously exhausted. My circumstances can make me feel anything from anxious, tempted, angry, fearful, weary, guilty, overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted to positive, affirmed, joyful, and blessed.   I think I tend to the negative rather than the positive…at least lately. But God is bringing me out…He isn’t letting me wallow.   Things are still awfully difficult right now, but I feel peace. The storm is still raging, but God has caught my eye. He has done it in the most unexpected way.  Someone made a comment and it confirmed what I had been wondering… “Was I wallowing?”   Yup. I’ve been woe-is-me-ing a lot!   I’ve been trying very hard to fix things for our family and trying so hard to make things better.  Nothing has gone as planned…or as easily as I’d hoped.  Not. One. Thing. In fact, I’ve even had friends comment on how complicated everything always is in my life.  It would be funny…if it wasn’t so NOT funny right now. I know things might never change…might never be exactly as I want them to be…but I know that God will also never change.   He will always be the loving, faithful, kind, gracious Father I need…He is exactly as I want Him to be. I know that when I fix my eyes on who He is and how much He loves me things are so much better…my perspective and attitude are so much better. I can find the strength to face the day because I’m facing Him first. I have hope because He is my hope.  In His eyes I see eternity. The storms will rage on, the clouds will gather, and the waves will roll, but my Savior will never leave me…His eyes are always on me.   And mine will remain on Him.