Untethered

I’m a word girl.  They sort of speak to me.  And a few days ago, I came across an article that used “untethered” in a description.  All of a sudden, I was finally able to articulate so specifically my emotional state over these weeks in this strange reality.  Yes, that’s it! I felt untethered.  Disconnected from a stable source.  Floating and feeling unrooted.  Like my kite string was dangerously tattered.  

I know how I got here.  Because I’m also a justice girl.  And a reason girl.  And for a while now the world has been starting to crush me.  I don’t like when things aren’t rational and logical.  So much of the way things operate no longer make any sense to me. I don’t like selfishness and injustice. I mean, who does? But to make it worse, our responses to injustice only seem to take us farther from the real solutions.  I realized I have been on a slow and steady simmer for quite some time.  So, when the pandemic hit, my fraying kite string felt like it finally gave way.  Untethered.

The enemy that prowls around seeking to kill and destroy would love nothing more than to tell us that we are alone and untethered.  He lies.  He deceives.  He hates Truth.  I know this.  But he’s intelligent and efficient.  He knows just how to get to this justice girl who reels when the world’s reason and logic go wonky and sideways.  When nothing seems fair or even comprehensible. 

My steady simmer has made me sick of myself.  That’s literally how I expressed it to my girlfriend on the phone the other night.  I broke down and cried out, “Lord, I’m so sick of myself.” I needed to be rooted again. 

And my compassionate Savior soothed me and comforted me.  He’s never sick of me and my frail emotions. He met me in this place and helped me to remember that while my feelings of being untethered were real, the truth was that I never was.  He never stopped holding my kite string.  My stable source had never let go.  I am still rooted in Him. 

So I’m going forward today.  The pit in my stomach is still there.  My feelings are still real.  But that’s the great thing about Truth.  When my feelings go up and down and this way and that, Truth never changes.  Truth is.  And was.  And will be.  Everything will be ok and I won’t float away.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” Jeremiah 41:10-13